Busy. Bumblebee. Body.
I’m sitting in the Mezzanine on campus happy to see clear blue skies and sun shining outside. It’s a crispy October day and even though I just wrote a ridiculously difficult programming quiz on Processing, I’m feeling pretty good.
I’ve realized lately that balance isn’t as hard to achieve as some thing and neither is it hard to change or live in different perspectives. It stikes me harder each day how happy I am. I suppose it was another snapping point that led to a break-through of sorts. But doesn’t that just mean I’m going to be pushed to another snapping point next? Who knows.
Although I’ve had little time to see the people that I’d previously made plans with, I’m starting to learn how to be alone for longer periods of time, throughout different situations. I miss my loves and my lover and it’s sad they happen to be so geographically displaced from me; but that’s where I find a balance- I work, work, work until the next time I get to be reunited. It’s been a good motivation of sorts. To be distracted by my goals and planning during the time that I am not with my loves/ lover has been simpler. I’d like to take this moment to proudly state how low my stress levels have been. Being incredibly active at the gym is also rewarding on physical, mental, emotional and superficial levels. I’ve been tightening like crazy and getting my strength and endurance back. Go. Me.
Somehow I really feel like I’ve been able to over-think less. I don’t know how true that is considering how I still manage to make myself feel sometimes, but I think it’s for the most part, pretty damn legitimate. I’ve come to terms with a lot of information relevant to me: there are quite a few people I’ve really let go of and others who I’ve made up my mind about. Which leads to my confession that OK, I know who the love of my life is. Right now. And I’m doing the right and best thing by being with them. I woke up today and realized that there is no where else I can be/ should be. I think that’s really important. I laugh out loud now about how difficult it was for me to admit to myself and my best friend how much someone could mean to me. It’s still scary to consider that there could be one person I spend the rest of my life with- but it’s far too soon to tell; but it’s more plausible now than ever.
I guess that even though I’m running around and moving forward, I’m still in one same space with someone else.