This is my life. This is my life. This is my life.
I spent the majority of my young years of life dreaming, planning, wanting, and waiting. For what? For the things I wanted to have, places I wanted to go, people I wanted to meet, experiences I wanted to occur, knowledge I wanted to gain, and every other little/ big thing in between. I knew, felt, tasted, and touched my major passions at those young ages- I made it a point to find out. These days, I’m discovering even more day-by-day as I’m thriving and evolving rapidly within the major and important ones to me.
I’ve been going through transition after transition- and it keeps me reeling. We’re talking about the past 8 months now. I wouldn’t have it any other way: I’m resistant to repetition, routine, and redundancy. But I can’t help but feel unsettled with being unsettled. At the end of the day, I can make more than just peace with it; there is pride, content, and fuel of more passion and ambition. This is just my speculation. Ahhh.
This is wonderful. And kind of strange. Nothing is ever quite what you expect, because you simply don’t know better. There is planning, but there is also possibility, which is un-reigned, spontaneous, random even, and completely out of any form of control.
You never know. You know?
There are a lot of things in the past half a year alone that have been incredibly painful and joyful lessons that shape each of my daily actions, mood, and intentions.
As someone who lives very deliberately, I encourage my friends and strangers who are reading this to ensure your honesty with yourself. Awareness can be alienating- I know- and painful, or scary, but it’s essential to your intentions for success. Everyone wants success; people just give up and call it failure. You can have anything you want, I promise. You just have to know how to get it, and want it bad enough. The actual steps or sacrifices or work or people/ places in between are simple enough, you just need to know how to pick up your foot and where to place it. Does that analogy clear up the air?
Be open to change the same way you are open to good. Look up and ahead as much as you look to the sides to check your reflection in the mirror. Be alert, signs are in the little things everywhere. Act but know how to react.
Do not be driven out of fear; never make decisions out of fear.
Please, people. It’s the 21st century: life is filled with noise (multimedia, war, information, hate, excess, etc.) but you just have to make choices. It’s not impossible. Afterall, action is character. I want to see you live up to your potential, and I want you to share the Good and experience what I do, and more.
I’m getting better every day. Letting go has always been a bit of a difficulty for my perfectionist tendencies and over-analytical mind. I find that pragmatism is a pretty reasonable reality to stick to. Thank Goodness.
Because of my busy daily and weekly schedules lately balancing an employment contract, an intersession course for my undergraduate degree, friends, family, art, self-cultivation, freelance work and projects, fitness training, and travels, I’ve been baffled at the sense of losing grasp of time. I’m incredibly satisfied with the amount I accomplish on a day-to-day basis and I thoroughly enjoy the events of my days, but as I was sitting at work this morning I came to a start to realize that I haven’t been reading what I meant to be reading: I simply have not made enough time to read even a little bit during a meal or before closing my eyes at night. Then again, when am I technically supposed to if I work in the morning for a full business day, hit the gym for training, feed myself and clean my living space (which I also share with 2 other people), fire off e-mails and complete design work for freelance clients, and shower to sleep adequately for my next day? Sounds insane? I love it.
I’ve been examining the way I perceive my time and space, which makes up ‘my life’. The allocation of my time is usually skillfully and pragmatically divvied up to reflect my top priorities and responsibilities, which much play, joy, and satisfaction throughout. I’m grateful I love what I do. Work? What is this ‘work’ you complain of?
That being said, I’ve also come to observe that my social connections feed off of my feelings of connection with each individual I care about. The downside to my deeper investment in people I care about is that it stretches me thin at times, when I give myself too much and don’t take; it’s also incredibly discouraging to lack reciprocation in connectivity. With this all being said, however, I am again, not complaining. This is part of my speculation. Living is learning. I am a strange girl. I am a very happy, strange girl.