Without going back.
The past year had been unexpected, underestimated, and ultimately, really full of good. As anyone could relate, 2012 had its highs and lows (doesn’t every year?) I’m very happy and for the most part, quite clear, looking forward to a communal movement forward with the rest of the world. As much as I intend for every day to be a new day, it’s important to participate in something like a reboot, annually, with the rest of the world. The social accountability is important and it’s among the many things I’m grateful for.
As I write, I’m overcome with the same waves of overwhelming gratitude, relief, love, and joyful fire that my heart has had the privilege to have experienced throughout the year.
My toughest battles- the physical and emotional tied to diagnosis and the process of learning- were my most rewarding and the most important. After working for a software enterprise on a year’s contract to get back into academia, the jarring shift was more than challenging. Did the academia itself or the shift matter? Not really. This reaffirmed the alignment of my principles and drive; everything I do, I do out of love. It may seem trivial but this isn’t always the case for just anyone.
Ringing in the new year, there are mere minutes left on the Pacific West Coast for the 2012 year. Coincidentally, I’m also not carrying out previously made plans of being at a party with close friends and celebrating a 30th birthday; I’m ill, at home, warm, waiting for tea and watching movies before the countdown.
"In order for your balloon to float up into the sky, you much first let it go."
For the past 10+ years, I have held onto balloons of all sizes and colors- on incredibly long, long, long strings. Now? I’ve been letting them go in the past few days. The communal step forward is a good time to let my surrounding energies help me.
My blessings are accounted for, in physical writing, in my own hand and ink. My philosophy and principle are now engraved into my skin. My family and friends are people I communicate the most frankly to now, more than ever, because it’s so important for them to know what, how, and why they mean so much to me. My life is… perfect.
As I enter a new year working with a small team of people who I can share a global passion with, I’m ensured at the end of the day that even if my own life may seem complicated and I may be exhausted, I am making a difference. These are the things that matter to me: my world, my families (past blood).
This year I’m focused on scheduling my priorities, not the other way around. I’m excellent at the latter; now it’s time to do the better, now it’s time to put into effect the new. This is one among multiple manifestations that don’t have to do with tangible events or objects. This is the new constant meditation. My spiritual practice and my analogies are the most important things to me because they shape my perception. Suddenly it’s all so simple.
This year was exactly what I needed it to be. This post is exactly how long it needs to be. It’s always enough; it’s always just right.